Best Jokes on Earth
The best jokes on Earth are sure to make you laugh. Some jokes are short and to the point. Others require a bit of set-up. Some rely on humorous images while others involve a play on words. Get ready for a good chuckle as you browse the top jokes in this slideshow.
A Cold Day in Hell
On a final exam a professor included the question, “Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?”
One student answered, “If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, the temperature in Hell will continue to increase. However, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature will drop until Hell freezes over.
If we accept Mary Smith’s theory from freshman year that “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and she has not, then the second option must not be correct. Therefore, Hell is exothermic.”
The student received an A.
A man was on a hunting trip with his friend when the friend suddenly fell to the ground and stopped breathing. He frantically called 911 and yelled at the operator, “My friend is dead! What should I do?”
The operator tried to calm him down, “It will be OK. I can talk you through this. First, we need to make sure he’s dead.”
In the silence, the operator heard a shot.
“OK. What next?”
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting cow –
A woman is talking about her marriage over lunch with a friend. “For 20 years, my husband and I were blissfully happy. Then we met each other.”
The Origin of Man
A little girl was wondering where humans came from. She asked her mom, and her mom gave her a religious explanation, telling her how God created Adam and Eve. She asked her dad, and her dad told her about evolution, saying that humans were descended from monkeys.
The little girl was very confused, so she asked her mom, “Why did you tell me that humans came from God and dad tell me that humans came from monkeys?”
Her mom replied, “Well, I was telling you about my side of the family. Your dad was telling you about his.”
A Texan meets an Ivy League graduate at a party and asks, “Where are you from?”
The Ivy League graduates responds, “I’m from a place where we don’t end our sentences in prepositions.”
The Texan thinks about this for a moment, then says, “OK. Where are you from, jerk?”
The Idiot Brother
An unmarried woman who is just a few weeks pregnant gets in a car accident and is in a coma. Nine months later, she wakes up. The doctor is quick to assure her that while she was out, she gave birth to twins, a healthy boy and girl, and not to worry because her brother was taking care of them.
The woman is beside herself. “But doctor, that’s horrible. My brother is an idiot! I’m almost afraid to ask. What did he name the girl?”
“Oh, that’s OK. What about the boy?”
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.
—- If you’ve enjoyed this list of the best jokes on Earth, you may enjoy the Best One Line Jokes or the Best Short Jokes Ever for even more laughs.